More Comcast Joy

My internet connection has been absurdly slow for the past couple of days. Below dial up at times. I've checked most of the things I know about on my end, so I went to Comcast's web site to see if they had any system updates. Not surprisingly, there weren't any, but their customer support page had a link with the description:

"Having trouble with connectivity, e-mail or computer performance?
Many problems can quickly be resolved using our One-Click Fixes."

Worth a shot, eh? Well, clicking on that link gets you this:

Not as helpful as I'd have liked.

I forget, who did MSN rank dead last in customer service for broadband providers? Oh yeah -- Comcast.

A Master at Baiting Phish

We all get these. I doubt anyone falls for them. But this one struck my eye:

From: Bank of America
Date: Jul 24, 2007 10:35 AM
Subject: Accounts Manangement
To:

We recently have determined that different computers have logged onto your Online Banking account, and multiple password failures were present before the logons. We now need you to re-confirm your account information to us.

If this is not completed by July 26, 2007, we will be forced to suspend your account indefinitely, as it may have been used for fraudulent purposes. We thank you for your cooperation in this manner.

To confirm your Online Banking records click on the following link:

http://www.paypal-verifycation-online.com/www.bankofamerica.com/online_banking/sslencrypt218bit/online_banking/index.htm

Thank you for your patience in this matter.

Bank Of America Customer Service

Please do not reply to this e-mail as this is only a notification. Mail sent to this address cannot be answered.

2007 Bank Of America, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

The domain name is the fun part. "paypal-verifycation-online.com" is registered to some jerkoff in California, who, it would appear, doesn't know how to spell "verification."

Like they say, criminals are stupid...

Monopolies bad. Choice, good

This is why I hate monopolies. Trying to sign up for service at Comcast.com. They have a decent self-service configurator. Much nicer than waiting endlessly on their phone line. I complete my order, then it pops up with a chat box. WTF? I must have hit the wrong button. I hit "close session" and I'm back to the home page. Hmm. I try to navigate back to my configuration screen, but no dice. So I go through everything again, and sure enough, the chat window pops up. Apparently Comast has devised a way to make you wait even if you don't use the phone. Amazing. After 18 minutes, "Daryl" shows up. Here is the transcript:

Philip >

Daryl > Hello guest_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Daryl. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Daryl > How are you doing today?

guest_ > fine

Daryl > Good afternoon Mark.

Daryl > Do you have an existing account with Comcast, or are you a new customer?

guest_ > existing guest_ > acct number is ************. I entered that already I believe in the sign-up process.

Daryl > Are you just moving into this address?

guest_ > yes

Daryl > One moment please. Thank you.

Daryl > Unfortunately we are unable to process your order at this time. The previous resident(s) at the address you entered has not yet disconnected their service. In order to resolve this issue, we need you to contact our customer service department at 1-888-Comcast so that proper verification of the change in residence can be recorded. Or, you can bring a copy of your lease/title to one of our in-person payment centers for verification. To find a location near you, visit our Web site at http://www.comcast.com/membership/Locate_Payment_Center.asp

Daryl > I do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

guest_ > what??

guest_ > what previous resident?

guest_ > are you talking about the baltimore house or my current silver spring address...

Daryl > The current resident is still connected at the ******** st, zip: 21230 address.

guest_ > well that is because we haven't moved in yet! the settlement is 7/27

[note: 4 minutes go by] guest_ > and my requested install is early august.

[note: 3 minutes go by] guest_ > put your supervisor on, please

[note: 3 minutes go by] guest_ > PUT YOUR SUPERVISOR ON, PLEASE

[note: 2 minutes go by] Daryl > I do apologize but I will not be able to process your order as we are not authorized to have multiple accounts active at a single address. You will need to wait until the current customer has disconnected their service, our you can go to your local office to provide proof of residency. Only then will we be able to process your order.

guest_ > I NEED TO TALK TO A SUPERVISOR. NOW

Daryl > Once again, I would like to give you our sincerest apology for this inconvenience, but unfortunately, there is nothing more we can do. Since the current customer is still connected, we will not be able to process your order at this time. Please contact your local office in order to provide your proof of residency, or please feel free to call 1888COMCAST and our agents there will be able to assist you.

Daryl > I truly wish that there was more I could do regarding this unfortunate circumstance

Daryl > Once again, I would like to thank you for your interest in Comcast. It has been my pleasure meeting with you today and if you have any further issues or questions about Comcast's services, please feel free to chat with us again.

Daryl > Analyst has closed chat and left the room

Very helpful, eh? Total time spent online: 48 minutes. Results: Nothing.

Comcast has a reputation for having some of worst customer service imaginable. A recent MSN-Zogby poll ranked Comcast 3rd from last of ALL US companies.

Well, with continued efforts such as the above, they have a shot at #1.

Musings

For once, not a rant about a comic strip, and not a folksy story about the latest project.

I blew it.

A couple of years ago, I was hooked on "24." As with most episodic television series, I couldn't be bothered to tune in at a certain time and a certain day, so instead I would rent the entire season on DVD. I believe I banged through four discs in one day, one day. Absurd. And even the ridiculousness of the plots, the laughable logistics, and the scenery chewing by Mr. Sutherland, none of that could keep me away.

Still, something itched behind the eyes. After a couple of weeks, I realized it was an idea, an idea for a parody. So I fired up FinalDraft and started banging out a script. A few times, I laughed out loud at my own ideas, which is either a sign of creative juices, or, well, you know.

I pitched the idea to everyone: I would write and direct, and play a small role. Eroc would be Jack (known as Zack in my script), as he is pretty intense and has-very-careful-diction all the time, so ratcheting it up Zack would not be a stretch. Ravi would be my villain, Grisella would play Nina, and Zack's daughter -- who at one point has kidnappers kidnap her from other kidnappers -- would be played by [an actress friend], who despite being only about 12 years younger than Eroc, could pull it off. One day at lunch I told her ALL the details, and she was thrilled.

Then, I let bills and working jobs and OtherStuff get in the way, and never made it.

But I guess [actress friend] liked the idea, because, well, she wound up playing a slightly different role.

No, it's not my script, and in some ways it's more clever than mine. Still. Interesting coincidence, eh?

This is what I get for a) having a decent idea b) blabbing about it c) doing nothing but blab about it. Lesson learned.

Green logic

Let me see if I can follow Tinsley's "logic" here.

First, we have to assume that all things associated with the left are bad. Global warming? Junk science. Energy conservation? Whiney elitists in Priuses, er, Priae. Funny-looking CFLs? Well, they're not liberal per se, but they are popular with those concerned about energy efficiency, so they are fair game. How can I (Tinsley) slag them?

1. They're ugly? No, too vain.

2. You can't really put a lampshade on them if it has a bulb clamp? Too technical.

3. They might not be all that green, because they contain mercury? Way too technical. Besides, mercury contamination is funny.

4. They take a while to warm up and their color temperature is unusual? Color what? Huh? "You're a Plugger if you think a bulb with a warm color temperature is too hot to touch."

5. They are made in China? Whoa, that's dangerous ground. Remember, it is Bush policy to never do business with communist countries, as long as they are Cuba. China is our best trading partner, and owns more of the USA than any other country, so we have to build up our military to combat the threat that China could become after using the billions we send them every month to buy our weapons systems AGH TOO COMPLICATED, did I mention these bulbs were ugly? Or that Ted Kennedy once drove off a bridge?

No -- all too hard. I got it! I'll just make something up -- "They burn out more quickly." Yes, I know, it's a complete and total lie, but it's not like any fans of my strip a) cares about the truth b) would buy these bulbs anyway.