Well I got me a gun / and she's ready for shooting

(With apologies to Patrick Simmons.)

Is it ironic that the head of Blackwater is named "Eric Prince?" I mean, Prince of Blackwater? You can't write this stuff.

What's funny is that everyone assumes the name comes from some covert ops term. Nope. It references the swampy area near the North Carolina/Virginia border. I found this out from a Blackwater employee, four years ago when I was working on the television series "Spymaster." We took ten candidates down there and taught them to shoot. In the pouring rain. Then we put them into Blackwater's Hogan's Alley and had some SEALs shoot at them with wax bullets. Which, apparently, hurt like hell. So I'm told; I wouldn't know, my job was to put laser sights on their guns, greek the signs, clean up a little bit of the glass, then hang out in the props truck and fall asleep.

So yeah, I'm a civilian who's been to Blackwater, and even know the code at the front gate (I'll bet it's changed). It was kind of a dump. The waiting area has some very uncomfortable furniture, and the room is dominated by a giant stuffed black bear. One of the cardinal rules of film and tv production is that you feed your crew, and try to feed them well. Even low-budget basic-cable shows like Spymaster try to adhered to this rule, but at Blackwater we were forced to eat in their own "cafeteria." And since there were groups of ATF agents, air marshals, and civilians dressed in black sharing the facility, the crew was alloted exactly nine minutes in the chow hall. And you know what? It was more time than I needed: It was without a doubt the worst food I ever had. Even Taron, our camera tech, who would eat just about anything you put in front of him, pushed away the last few bites.

I guess I didn't expect the place to be front-page news. And I never expected this little company, which has exactly one owner, to receive almost one billion dollars worth of no-bid contracts from the federal government.

Clearly I'm in the wrong business.