Customer "service?"

I have a home phone, but only about five people know the number. Almost everyone calls me on my mobile, the number of which has remained the same for almost ten years. Yet I get many calls on the home number, usually collection calls for a "Juan Vidron." Sometimes I get 20 a day. All are automated, and it's not easy to get them to stop calling me. Today I decided to hell with it, just cancel the damned thing and save $50 a month.

Being the e-whiz that I am (or was), first I tried canceling via Verizon's website. It tells me I have to register. No problem. I fill out all of the information, only to be told that it can't validate my "12-digit" account number. I try a couple variations, because the account number on the bill has 15 digits. No luck. Oh well, I'm canceling anyway, so after navigating about a dozen screens I find the customer service number. It's an automated voice recognition system.

"Are you calling about 301-xxx-xxxx?" It asks.

"Yes," I reply.

"I'll pull up your records. Ok, how can I help you?"

"Cancel"

"Just ask a question."

"Cancel my account."

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that."

And so on. Eventually the thing recognizes what I'm trying to say, then quizzes me about details. After a few minutes of this, I apparently pass the test, because it says it'll connect me to a human. Ten rings. Then the same voice pops up. "Sorry, but due to caller volume your call cannot be answered. Please try us on the web at www.verizon.com. Good bye."

WTF?

I try it again. Same drill. Same result, no human, no way to leave a message, same encouraging words about the useless web site.

So now I've tried to email them. Will it work? My hopes are not high.

I am reminded of more than a few online services that do not have a way to cancel online. The most notorious is of course AOL; "on-line" is part of their name, and you can conduct just about any transaction with them online... except cancel your service. I'm not the first to notice this bit of irony. MSNBC reported on it last year. In my case, I gave up and just had my credit card provider change the number. Should work great, right?

Wrong. AOL waited three months, then sent my three months of bills to a collection agency. So Verizon isn't quite as bad as AOL, but I'll be they're working on it...

MSNBC's interview with a blogger who was smart enough to record his conversation with an AOL employee:


The original unedited version of the recording: