Sunday, May 27, 2007

Steve and Anne and pea gravel


It's unfortunate that films are generally shot according to the available light. At least here in DC, where, frankly, the only reason a Hollywood studio comes here is to get those iconic shots of the monuments. That means shooting in the summer, competing with the tourons, and when DC is at its muggiest. The good news was when "Get Smart" came to town, and I wound up as on-set dresser, there really wasn't much to do. Still, a man can work up a sweat standing around.

Yeah. "Get Smart." I guess every other 1960's sitcom had already been optioned, so this was the last one left. Heaven forbid we should ever try a new idea. I didn't write it, I just moved the street signs...

I've always found Anne Hathaway adorable. "Devil Wears Prada" was a marvelous film. But in person, she looks a bit strange: Her eyes are too big, her mouth is about double the side of a regular person. Steve Carrell's nose is on the same scale as Anne's mouth. But on film, they look great. Weird. Steve was polite, a good sport, and a hard worker. Anne was wonderful; after her scene on East Capitol Street was wrapped, she waited around and signed autographs and posed for photos with the little girls from the neighborhood. Only after all were accommodated did she head out. Classy.

One final note: The most amazing view of the US Capitol can be had from the roof of the Hubert Humphrey building. But it's not easy to get there: A phalanx of security guards, two elevators, two flights of stairs, and a creaky roof covered with pea gravel, and no railings on the side. Still. It was worth it.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

A joke by any other name









At first I started to write "Wow, Mallard actually made me laugh." Then I started thinking about the joke. I've read that some of the elements of humor are familiarity coupled with an unexpected turn. That is, a joke about an obscure 19th century supreme court judge generally won't work with most audiences, as there is no common background. So why does Mallard's joke "work?"

Simple: We expect him to be a racist. He's demonstrated disdain for just about every group that isn't White, Christian, and ultra-conservative. So we read this strip, and think "Wow, he's really about to pull a Mel Gibson here," only to have the punchline deviate us from our expected destination. Hence, humor. But would this joke work in Doonesbury? For Better or For Worse? Or, for that matter, just about any other comic strip? I don't think so. We laugh because we wouldn't be surprised if Bruce Tinsley started up on Jews.

Not really an enviable position, is it?

Friday, May 18, 2007

FREESPCH


From the May 3, 2006, Rapid City Journal:

State looks to pull anti-Bush license plate

By Kevin Woster, Journal staff

RAPID CITY -- Heather Moriah loves the personalized license plates on her silver Prius encouraging the impeachment of President George W. Bush.

But somebody doesn’t agree. And that somebody complained to the state. Now, the South Dakota Division of Motor Vehicles is trying to recall the plates -- which read MPEACHW. And if Moriah doesn’t turn them in voluntarily, the state might send law-enforcement officers to pick them up.

Even so, she’s not immediately inclined to cooperate.

“I don’t think I’m going to play,” Moriah said Thursday afternoon. “The plate isn’t in poor taste. It‘s not sexual in nature or pornographic. To me, a political message should not be considered offensive.”

But Division of Motor Vehicles director Deb Hillmer said Thursday that the law clearly gives the state authority to recall the plates and have them forcibly removed if necessary. And although only one person complained about Moriah’s political statement, that’s all it takes to recall a set of vanity plates, Hillmer said.

Continues here

I am reminded of a story at least 20 years ago where some fellow had "SMEGMA" on his Virginia vanity plate. It, too, slipped through the cracks, and someone complained, and the State Police showed up to collect it. Now why anyone would want to put that on a Porsche is beyond me, but I didn't really see the harm -- it certainly wasn't political. I guess.

But man, Virginia sure allows some other strange choices. They might not be political, but some stray into offensive.. or at least disturbing.

For instance:














I mean, really!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Mozart's Howitzer



Ok, so I knew about "Basket Case." It was the early 90s, and I'd just started playing around with the guitar again after a number of years. I discovered the (old) WHFS, 99.1, and was suddenly exposed to this cool "alternative" music. So one day I'm working out the Green Day song on an acoustic, and the ex strolls by and says "cool, you leared 'Pachelbel's Canon."

"Huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "The GE Light Bulb Commercial Song."

"Oh!" And I realized it was in fact the same progression. And pretty much the same as The Police's "So Lonely," which my trecool 3-piece neopunk bad had played a decade earlier. A year or so later I noticed that Blues Traveller's "The Hook" was not the same progression. But man, this guy is amazing! Stick with the video until the last minute, or at least fast-forward to it. It's worth it.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Headline Writing is an ART



Sent to me by The Girlfriend.

Sounds yummy!

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Root of the matter









Mallard's right. We should never vote for someone who has a strange hairstyle, or, for that matter, someone who cares excessively about his hair; that's a clear indication of being too vain to be president.








Oops.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Professional Courtesy


The sun's been baking my pale Irish skin all day. Polo is fun to watch, but the half time at the America's Cup of Polo ran about three hours. Enough, already.

I'd been hired by an upscale Tequila company to shoot the event. They're one of the sponsors, and are about to award their branded trophy to the winning team. I'm bumping elbows with about a dozen other photographers, getting ready for my shot, when I notice the LCD panel on my flash is blank. "Uh oh." I try to power it up. Nothing. I open the battery door, and try that trick where you shuffle the AAs around a bit. It powers up... for a few seconds. I have backups (of course) but they're in my camera bag, which is about a quarter mile away at the tequila tent.

I see that another photographer has just replaced his batteries (he even has the same flash), and left the dead ones on his bag. "Are those your dead ones?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"I'm in a pinch here, can I try them?"

"Help yourself." He returns to firing off shots of the current sponsor award, Cartier. His batteries are hot... but they're not dead. I'm back in business. The other guy says "Hey I've got four fresh ones here you're welcome to," and starts digging into his pack.

"No time," I say, as my sponsors are walking onto the stage.

The batteries hold. I get my shots. I thank the guy as I leave the stage. He's a bit older than me, lean, weathered, he's obviously been at this a while. "No problem, that's how it's supposed to be. We help each other, man."

A while later I'm back at the tent, waiting for Journey (see above) to come on. I've replaced all of batteries from my kit, and happen to see the other photographer walk by my tent. I dash back, grab an unopened package of 4 lithiums, and run behind him. "Hey! Photographer!" He turns. I toss the package to him. Grin. "Thanks again, dude." He smiles, waves, walks off.

That's how it's supposed to be.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

"Next I will quote some rap lyrics!"

So let me see if I can figure out Tinsley's "logic" here: Since a black person once said something racist, he (Tinsley) is allowed to make racist comments and/or ignore any racist comments made by other whites. Hmm. Perhaps Tinsley needs to look up the word "syllogism" (well, after he sobers up, of course).

A fellow blogger recently covered Tinsley's appalling lack of both taste and talent, far more eloquently than I ever could.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Customer "service?"

I have a home phone, but only about five people know the number. Almost everyone calls me on my mobile, the number of which has remained the same for almost ten years. Yet I get many calls on the home number, usually collection calls for a "Juan Vidron." Sometimes I get 20 a day. All are automated, and it's not easy to get them to stop calling me. Today I decided to hell with it, just cancel the damned thing and save $50 a month.

Being the e-whiz that I am (or was), first I tried canceling via Verizon's website. It tells me I have to register. No problem. I fill out all of the information, only to be told that it can't validate my "12-digit" account number. I try a couple variations, because the account number on the bill has 15 digits. No luck. Oh well, I'm canceling anyway, so after navigating about a dozen screens I find the customer service number. It's an automated voice recognition system.

"Are you calling about 301-xxx-xxxx?" It asks.

"Yes," I reply.

"I'll pull up your records. Ok, how can I help you?"

"Cancel"

"Just ask a question."

"Cancel my account."

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that."

And so on. Eventually the thing recognizes what I'm trying to say, then quizzes me about details. After a few minutes of this, I apparently pass the test, because it says it'll connect me to a human. Ten rings. Then the same voice pops up. "Sorry, but due to caller volume your call cannot be answered. Please try us on the web at www.verizon.com. Good bye."

WTF?

I try it again. Same drill. Same result, no human, no way to leave a message, same encouraging words about the useless web site.

So now I've tried to email them. Will it work? My hopes are not high.

I am reminded of more than a few online services that do not have a way to cancel online. The most notorious is of course AOL; "on-line" is part of their name, and you can conduct just about any transaction with them online... except cancel your service. I'm not the first to notice this bit of irony. MSNBC reported on it last year. In my case, I gave up and just had my credit card provider change the number. Should work great, right?

Wrong. AOL waited three months, then sent my three months of bills to a collection agency. So Verizon isn't quite as bad as AOL, but I'll be they're working on it...

MSNBC's interview with a blogger who was smart enough to record his conversation with an AOL employee:


The original unedited version of the recording:

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Book of Not-so Secrets


It was fun reading the imdb.com discussions about "National Treasure: Book of Secrets." All kinds of rumors would pop up, some founded, others not so much. For instance there was talk of "shooting at the Smithsonian." Well, sort of: We used the Masonic Lodge in Alexandria to double as an unnamed Smithsonian building; I feel sorry for anyone who camped out on the Mall waiting for Nick Cage to show up.

It was delicious knowing the cast changes before they were public; when Helen Mirren was signed on, I saw her name on a callsheet a week before the info hit the web. But of course, it's no fun when you can't tell anyone!

Lots of fun locations: My third project at the Library of Congress. A stunningly beautiful Mount Vernon (and my third project there). Chevy Chase, University of Maryland, The White House, The Capitol, a mini-tour of the DC area. It was a great crew, the All-Stars of Baltimore, and even the LA guys were a hoot to work with. Six weeks straight, and one back injury later, I was ready for the wrap. Our giant warehouse in Landmark, once filled with all of the set dressing, the carpenter's shop, the paint shop, and the clutter from the effects guys... it was strange to see it all gone, packed away onto 18-wheelers destined for South Dakota or LA. A big empty, echoing room. I was the last one out. I remembered an old Don Henley line, "I need to remember this." Look around one more time.

Then pulled the door shut behind me.

"NT2" is scheduled to open Dec 21.

Next for me? Directing six commercials for an insurance company in Delaware, directing an emergency response training video for a local government, shooting some stills, shooting and editing for a small production company in DC. Should be a busy summer (I hope).

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