Monday, April 24, 2006

I Hear it Tastes Just Like Chicken

There's always a risk when a data field isn't quite long enough to handle the whole chunk. Check out the second film in my "Shipped" list. Hell, I've never even tried it.

Sunday, April 23, 2006





An old friend sent me some scans of comic strips from college. He and I and a few others lived in the basement of a dorm. There were only a few rooms down there, the rest being taken up by boilers and storerooms and such. We loved it. A film called "C.H.U.D." came out one year, an acronym standing for "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers." The tag line was "They're not staying down there any more!" We loved it. We had a motto.

None of us could draw. But we fancied ourselves as funny guys, more than one of us being English majors and all. So we'd draw little cartoons about each other, and leave them taped to each other's doors. Mine got a little out of control. Did I mention I can't draw? Sure as hell couldn't then, either.

So, fresh from 1983, here's a sample of "Pennsylvania Rice and the Internship of Doom." Click on the single panel for the whole shootin' match.

And I didn't even notice until just now that my Ronald Reagan (yes, that's who it's supposed to be) has his finger poised over a button...

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Deja vu and amnesia at the same time



I know, everyone who's worked in a cube thinks Dilbert is about their company. And "Office Space" was the film version. Let's get over ourselves, eh?

Thing about this strip is, this happened. A FRIEND OF MINE was working at a big consulting company. His group was a bit outside of normal consulting, however, as they had created an actual services group that provided real servers and real software and stuff like that. Radical for this company. Their leader was a go-getter that we'll call Tim. Tim had created this group from the ground up, and had the support of most of the executives. But he'd also ticked off a few of the old timers on the way up. Then one day, a washed up VP who'd been tossed from a huge software company -- and who sat on the board -- decided he wasn't quite ready to retire.

So, after some talks with our CEO, in which they couldn't really decide where he'd fit, they made him the new uberchief of the little group. Tim wasn't all that happy about that, and soon moved on to greener pastures. The new uberchief brought in basically his entire staff from the old software company, something like 15 people (the group had been 22 people before he came along). One of them was his nephew, whom we will call Ernie. Ernie was all of 28, and prior to coming to my company, had never done anything more rigorous than create the uberChief's PowerPoint slides. But in the new job, he became a managing director -- the same level Tim had been. And the youngest in the history of the company.

Things rather went downhill from there. About half of the existing employees were laid off, which gave the uberChief a chance to hire even more of his old staff. Most of them came in at the managing director level as well. From MY FRIEND's back of the napkin calculations, payroll increased by a factor of 14.

In the middle of all this was the last remaining manager from the old group, whom we will call Chip. Chip had direct experience in this kind of work before, and had a long series of successes. He was a couple of years from retirement, and a very decent man. The uberchief realized he had to have some level of management between him and the idiot nephew, so Chip became Ernie's de juro supervisor.

One day, MY FRIEND was approached by Chip to lead a new group, one that would be granted $1M to spend developing the branding, collateral, and other marketing communications materials around the product. MY FRIEND said that this was basically what he was doing already, and didn't really need a staff of six to do the work. Chip, off the record, told him that it had nothing to do with actually producing any content. The company was in trouble, and was laying people off left and right. A new edict had come out of Mahogany Hall that any partner (managing director) had to have at least six employees to maintain his title. Ernie had one at that point -- MY FRIEND.

So, MY FRIEND started pulling in people, some internal, some external, and desperately tried to figure out how to keep them all busy. He became more frustrated, even telling Chip that he was considering leaving the business, as this charade represented everything that was wrong with the industry. Meanwhile, Ernie put in maybe four hours a day of work, as he basically didn't have anything to do either. So MY FRIEND spent over half a million dollars, from the coffers of a publicly traded company, and one that was downsizing at the rate of 12% per year, in order to keep a VP's nephew in his partner slot -- a nephew that MIGHT have been qualified to be a junior analyst at the same company, had he not been enjoying the fruits of nepotism.

A few months later, MY FRIEND called Chip and said "put me on the next layoff list." He moved on to a new career, and never looked back.

Well, until Dilbert documented it for him.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

More from Eric Haney


Georgia boy Eric Haney (who was, among other things, a Ranger, a member of Delta Force, and who retired as a Command Sergeant Major, the second highest NCO rank in the entire Army) continued his criticism of the the Bush adminstration, this time with a local newspaper, the Rome (GA) News. Haney goes on to describe how military commanders are silenced if they even obliquely criticize the administration or Rumsfeld.

"I understand the people who are doing this and where they're coming from. Delusional ideology is a big factor, and there’s a huge amount of venal corporate activity. Halliburton and other companies are making so much money that they don’t want to see it changed."

And as we've seen lately, retired brass are starting to speak out. Some still believe the invasion was the right thing to do, but felt that Bush and Rumsfeld sent an unprepared army into harms way; others question the very motivations of the invasion.

Haney goes on to describe how military commanders are silenced if they even obliquely criticize the administration or Rumsfeld.

"Rumsfeld said the generals are getting all the troops they ask for, but they've gotten the word not to ask. If you don’t play ball, you don't get that other star or that book deal or the chance to sit on corporate boards when you retire."

Haney is also upfront about his allegiances -- it's to the troops in the field, irrespective of what party is in charge. I've met the man, worked with him, and had a few conversations with him. He's no Kum-by-ya idealist.

"I don't care if it was the pope in charge; wrongdoing does not recognize partisanship. I had the same problem with Clinton and the Democrats — you should clean up your own mess."

With Bush's approval rating hovering in the mid-high 30s, apparently Haney isn't alone in questioning this administration's competence.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Jargon

The Girlfriend recently asked me, "Who is your blog for? You have this 'film insider' stuff, then politics, then comic strips, then slice-of-life stuff." She said that it appeared that my "audience" would be fellow film professionals, since I, apparently, use a lot of insider terms and jargon.

So, today we're going to talk about film formats, and why they are of (minor)(some) importance in filmmaking.

35mm film is the standard for most theatrical films. The cameras take big reels of film, usual 400 feet long, but sometimes longer, and run them through the camera at a rate of 24 frames per second. The film is sized just like the 35mm film you run through your older still cameras, but turned on its side. Thus the image on motion picture film is actually smaller than the one you get on a 35mm camera. Which is pretty impressive, considering the image winds up getting projected to 50' across in a theater.

Unlike the home movies we shot 30 years ago, motion picture film, or stock, is actually negative film. It gets "printed" onto another set of negatives, creating a positive, and that (or rather a copy of that) is what gets shown at the theater. So, not only is the motion picture frame smaller than your 35mm slide film, it's actually a copy of a copy.

There are other film sizes out there. When I was a kid, my father had an 8mm (well, Super8, technically) camera. It had no sound, and the pictures were jerky, and, unlike with theatrical movies, what you ran through the projector was what came out of the camera; lose it or scratch it and that's that.

An intermediate size, created about 30 years after the 35mm size was standardized, is 16mm. As you might guess, it's a little less than half the size of 35mm stock, and the frame size is thus 1/4 that of a 35mm frame. The advantages are that the film itself is cheaper, and you use less of it. Also, the processing, which is generally charged by the foot, costs less as well. If you were in school in the 60s and 70s, pretty much all of the films you saw in school were 16mm, shown through those big blue Bell and Howell projectors that geeks like me threaded for you.

The obvious disadvantage to using 16mm is that there is a noticeable degradation of the image. It's just like with your digital cameras and the megapixels: The bigger the source material, the better looking the image (everything else being equal). But sometimes that grainy look is actually what the director is going for. The TV show "Homicide" was shot on 16mm stock, and it has an edgy, rough look to it that complements a show whose tag line is "Life on the Streets." 16mm cameras are also noticeably smaller and lighter than 35mm cameras, so it's easier to use them hand-held (as opposed to on a tripod or a dolly). You can also mount them in weird places more easily, like off a car bumper or on the handlebars of a bicycle.

The advent of DVDs has made 16mm more acceptable. While in a theater you would easily notice the difference in image quality versus 35mm, it's much harder to tell on a regular television set. When a 16mm project gets a theatrical release, it is almost always converted (blown up) to 35mm, as that is the standard in movie theaters.

Who uses 16mm? Most film students, for starters. But a fair number of independent films are shot on it. In fact, some Oscar nominees in the past couple of years used the format. These include Hustle and Flow, Transamerica, The Squid and the Whale, The Station Agent, Vera Drake, and Thirteen.

Of course, there are all kinds of variations. 16mm film, like the 35mm film that you put into your still camera, originally had to sets of holes on either side, called sprocket holes. Most cameras today only have sprockets on one side, so the image was made a tad bigger to use that space where the other set of holes used to be. This is generally called Super16, and in fact all of the movies I mentioned above were shot in this format.

Next time we'll talk about video, hi-definition video, and how it is creeping into mainstream film production.

And now from the other side of the military's ranks

A few days ago, I posted some strong comments about Iraq by former Delta Force Sgt Eric Haney. Today, I see that Lt General Greg Newbold, USMC (Ret) has spoken out against the war in Time Magazine.

A career NCO and a career officer are both saying basically the same thing. That, my friends, is rare.


"After 9/11, I was a witness and therefore a party to the actions that led us to the invasion of Iraq--an unnecessary war. Inside the military family, I made no secret of my view that the zealots' rationale for war made no sense... But I now regret that I did not more openly challenge those who were determined to invade a country whose actions were peripheral to the real threat--al-Qaeda. I retired from the military four months before the invasion, in part because of my opposition to those who had used 9/11's tragedy to hijack our security policy."



It's one thing when Barbara Striesand or Martin Sheen speak up against our policy in Iraq; when the likes of Haney and Newbold say the same thing, it's time to reflect on what the hell we're doing over there.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Ann Coulter: Get to the ER!

...because, from what I can tell from this photograph, you either have both a fractured ulna and radius, OR there is something very wrong with the carpals in your left hand. To wit:

And no, I didn't PhotoShop the original image. See it for yourself at

http://www.anncoulter.com/cgi-local/photo.cgi?image=silver-dress.jpg

That's gotta hurt!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

"Utter Debacle"





A few years ago, I worked on a low-budget reality show called Spymaster. It ran on TLC in 2004, after getting almost zero promotion from Discovery. Quite forgettable, but the show's host was an ex-Delta Force Command Sgt Major named Eric Haney. That's him in the photo, alongside the show's winner, Grisella Martinez, shot by yours truly in a dry irrigation ditch in Tijuana. Hey, I told you it was low-budget...

Mr. Haney wrote a very compelling book a few years ago, called "Inside Delta Force." He also made friends with David Mamet, and worked with him on the feature film Spartan; Haney's influence on the lead character was obvious to those who knew him: I've only heard two people use the term "exfiltrate." One was Haney, the other was Val Kilmer.

Recently, Mamet bought the rights to Mr. Haney's book, and developed the kick-ass tv series "The Unit." As such, Haney was interviewed by David Kronke. When asked about the war in Iraq, Haney replied:



 "Utter debacle. But it had to be from the very first. The reasons were wrong. The reasons of this administration for taking this nation to war were not what they stated. (Army Gen.) Tommy Franks was brow-beaten and ... pursued warfare that he knew strategically was wrong in the long term. That's why he retired immediately afterward. His own staff could tell him what was going to happen afterward... We have fomented civil war in Iraq. We have probably fomented internecine war in the Muslim world between the Shias and the Sunnis, and I think Bush may well have started the third world war, all for their own personal policies."

See the full interview at DailyNews.com.

And no, he doesn't lighten up. His vocal criticism of the Bush administration's handling of Iraq continues.

This is powerful stuff. This is a guy who spent 20 years in the army, and basically hit all of the hotspots that our military encountered in that time. He was IN the C-130 that caught fire in the Iranian desert. He was in Grenada. He was a founding member of Delta Force. When the Beltway snipers were terrorizing the greater DC area, Haney was interviewed, and was spot-on as to how many snipers there were, how they had modified their vehicle, and what their tactics were.

This guy knows his stuff. He's tough and he's smart, and he's not afraid to say what he thinks. I challenge the Bush apologists to try to Swift Boat Haney, and paint him as some kind of "kindness and caring" liberal -- he's the real deal, and unlike George W. Bush, he really has been to war.

When career NCO's like Haney start questioning the Iraqi policy, it's time to take a hard look at our actions... and how to get out of this mess.

Finally, another nice action shot of Haney... yeah, we had a thing for helicopters on that show.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

BEHIND the camera!

A production designer that I'd worked with several times called me up, and said she had to leave her History Channel project for something else. Would I be interested in taking over? Sure -- seems easy enough, a 9-11 recreation to go along with some interviews with survivors. I meet the producer and director, and really like their journalistic style.

My first day is in a bar in Georgetown. The production designer, Alex, is still working with us, so it's a crossover day. I'm busily dressing the set, when the director comes up to me.

"Ah, I need to ask you something," he says, in a somewhat sheepish voice.

"Yes?"

"Well, here is my problem." He pulls out his three-ring binder. "You see, this is the person we interviewed," he shows me a photo of a middle-aged fellow, glasses, bald as a cue ball, "and this is the actor they sent me," bald fellow, glasses, about 80. "So, I was wondering, you see..." and his eyes travel over my face.

"Ah. Well, I'm fine with that. But there's a problem: I can't act. And I'm wearing a t-shirt that says 'Syriana' on it. And I haven't shaved in three days."

"No problem. Wardrobe and makeup will take care of that." I look at Alex, she shrugs, so off I go.

The suit is too small, and the tie is ghastly, but I clean up ok. I'm walking back to the set, and the director hands me some paper. "Here are your lines."

I stop.

"Lines!? Wait a second, you didn't say anything about lines!"

"Well, it's mostly ad-libbed. You'll do fine."

"Perhaps you missed this the first time I mentioned it: I CAN'T ACT."

By now it's too late. They're ready to roll. I plop down in the booth with the (other) two actors, who greet me.

"Hi, I'm Bob! You look familiar -- what were you in last?"

"Bus Stop."

"Oh -- with anybody I know?"

"Yeah -- Shae D'Lyn."

"Cool. When was this?"

"Fall of 1980. We were both high school seniors."

Well, I stumbled through the lines, and the director seemed happy. I am really really hoping that they put narration or something under this footage, or, better yet, cut it entirely. I really do not like being on camera. Nor should you like me for me to be on camera. It can frighten your children.

In telling this story to an old high school chum, he remarked that the 1980 Fauquier Senior High School production of "Bus Stop" netted a few people who went on to make drama their careers: Shae D'Lyn (then Shae Sherertz) played the female lead, and the guy who played the male lead went on to act in some films. The fellow who played his sidekick, Virgil, now directs and has worked on something like 50 feature films.

And then there's me.

And it will never, ever happen again...

All Praise be to...



Indeed. Have I mentioned how much I like my new Mac Dual G5 yet? Picked it up last year. Big purchase. Scary. But since then, I've cranked out three music videos, three wedding videos, and four corporates. Plus a new demo reel and some other fun stuff. After years with Avid, I have to admit, Final Cut Pro makes things easier. It's not without its glitches, however, and occassional I have to (gasp!) reboot the Mac. But there is simply no comparison with the hair-pulling madness that Windows XP/Avid DV Express put me through so many times...

And, in the interest of today's B.C., I must thank God personally for desiging the G5 architecture, for making RAM so inexpensive, and for providing BOTH Firewire AND High-Speed USB ports apently, so I can run my DV deck and my bank of external drives all at the same time.

So, is today's blog post Science Fact in the mind of Jonny Hart?

... or has Jonny Hart really just, well, lost it?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

HG Humour

April 4th's Mallard Fillmore:



Wow, there's a real knee-slapper.

I thought the Religious Right, of which Mallard is so fond, didn't believe in evolution?

This one is just so full of bizzaro-world contradictions, I don't know where to start...

Monday, April 03, 2006

A name by any other Rose



My ex is the art director for a snobby stationery/personalized greeting card company. She does almost all of their samples. So, for years, I'd see names of people I knew in their catalogs. There were even birthday cards and letterheads that had my name on them. To this day, their web site shows a card with "Frances B" on the top -- my grandmother, who passed away five years ago. The fact is, it's HARD to make up fake names, as Jerry and George discovered with Art Vandalay.

Well last week I was working on a tv pilot for ABC. My official role was a set dresser, but the production designer found out I have some... "experience" with things high-tech, and I quickly became enlisted to make the computer props work properly. At one point, we were shooting in the lobby of the Dept of Interior (making it look like Dept of State), and at the last minute, a PC was added to the guard desk. I had exactly 90 seconds to gen up a fake visitor log for the screen.

On that list are the names of my friends, my ex's family, people I knew in high school, and a couple of college friends (look closely and you'll see "Rice, K." and Stableford, S. (really closely)) Two of my golf buddies are highlighted with the red bar -- trouble! And naturally, The Girlfriend and all her crew. Plus my old IBM buddy Mr. Rose.

Hey -- names gotta come from somewhere, right?

Sunday, April 02, 2006

What Daddy does for a living



It was an empty room when we walked in. No cubes. Nothing on the walls. Nada. A truck full of stuff, a friendly guy from the office furniture place who showed us how to put the cubicle hardware together, and three straight days of work later, this was the result. Looks like a cluttered government office, right?

God, I hope so...